But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
