I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
