lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
