I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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