Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
