he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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