Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
