It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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