So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
