Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
this beer tastes like vomit already
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
