I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
