I feel like abortions should bother me more
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My ass is underappreciated
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
