My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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