I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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