Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
