So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
