Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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