It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
