Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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