I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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