So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
