She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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