i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
