they need to just BURY HIM!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
