just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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