batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
