I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
