the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
