i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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