As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
