I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
