I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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