DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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