So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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