I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
