i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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