im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize