just come out here and I will go home with you...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
