wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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