before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
