I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
