i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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