He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize