first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
