I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
