didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
