You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
