my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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