the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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