i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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