last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
where are my eyebrows?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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