This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
