I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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