You just made me feel so damn special
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
