I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
