toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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