speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
