pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
