I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
