why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
