Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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