Barsexuality is the new black.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I AM VODKA MAN
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
