I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
