Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
