I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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