i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
