there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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