It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
