She said her name was "party"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
