i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
