I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
