goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im holly from the hills drunk
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
