so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
