and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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