so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
