I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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